cuz you're gunna need them

Friday, December 10, 2010


So many countless nights since I have been unemployed (since August) have occurred. I would stay up late starring at the clock turn over to every minute and listen to the sirens that blare by (since we live by a fire station). I would dread each day as I would not rise until 10am most days and then I would have to convince myself to shower for the day.I made to do lists for around the house. I made many meals for supper. I made desserts just for the hell of it (not a wise idea since desserts are my weakness). But today that all changed! I was offered a job at the special education cooperative for the Maize/Goddard school district. Also, may be teaching an online infant/toddler development class for Allen Community College if there is enough students enrolled! YAY! I am so nervous as I only have infant/toddler experience out of school, but they know that. I just hope I can do what I was put on this earth to do. And that is to teach little people of all abilities to grow and learn in a supportive educational environment. For those who remain unemployed and highly qualified for jobs...keep looking it's hard, it's depressing, it's stressful, it's horrible, it's frustrating, but there HAS to be an end to all of that at some point and I am so grateful and thankful that it is over for me. Thank you, thank you God! :)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

these days...

So it is Wednesday and I stopped for a moment today (during my abundance of free time) to reflect. I have taken this reflection from the biggest loser because it again is something I can relate to in my life. In the episode that just aired last night Ada (my favorite player of this season) has a talk with Jillian about how she isn't sure she knows when something is good enough. She has always been looking for justification from others and reassurance that she's doing well from others when all along the only approval she really should be seeking is her own. So, with that I will compare my life to that concept. I currently don't completely approve of my life. Sure there are things in it that I do approve of like the people that are in my life (great family and friends). But, I am not satisfied with my day. Lately, I have had nothing to do. I haven't been working outside of the home since August. Sure I make daily to do lists of things around the house that need done, but once those are done it gets really boring really quick. And how many times can a girl vacuum and do dishes in a day? or a week? Seriously! So, I am seeking for approval from myself. Now, in fitness on the other hand I approve myself! I am (so far) motivated, excited, and happy to work out. My boot camp trainer said just the other night, "You're so eager to go before the whistle aren't you?" And my response was, "Duh, I am paying you to kick my butt so let's go!" :) He just laughed! So if I can gain my own approval soon with a job...that would be great. So, here's hoping!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." - Wayne Dyer

I found this quote on a friends' facebook and loved it because I can relate to it. I recently had a job situation where I was put in a rather akward position. I was told I was lead teaching and the other gal in the classroom was also told she was the lead teacher so we both kind of butted heads as we had different ideas as to what the other person was to be doing in the classroom. Anyways, after a long time of that battle I decided I had had enough. I decided to step down as teacher and remove myself from a situation that I felt wasn't going anywhere good. However, during my time in the classroom (butting heads) I remember a lil girl in the classroom that had transition issues and would refuse to move away from the door and stand there crying because she wanted her mom, her binky and her blanket. I would go to her and speak to her in a calm voice giving her two choices. She could come into the classroom on her own will or I would help her. The other teacher yelled at me infront of the child and anyone else that was in earshot could hear. She told me my ideas were terrible and that WE would not be doing that anymore. I wanted to shout back at her I wanted to smack her accross the face and say listen bitch I know what I am doing here. But, instead I sat next to that child who had calmed herself down by this time (probably to stop and listen to me get yelled at) and went about her day as if she hadn't melted down (so my idea DID work). I said and did nothing. I felt very small at that moment. I felt hurt. Someone (who mind you has NO degree in any sort of childhood feild) was telling me my ideas were stupid. I wanted to slap her in the face with my Master's degree and say oh ya! ? But, like the quote says...."How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours." I feel as if I did the right thing by doing nothing, saying nothing, and allowing her to sink into her own karma.

Monday, November 22, 2010

sometimes dreams come true

Today I was sitting sewing a button on a coat that was coming off when my phone wrang.I know I know an exciting life I lead, ha! I answered it and it was a previous client of mine from my previous job. She was a parent of a child I served through infant/toddler services as an Early Childhood Special Education teacher. I made frequent (twice  or more a week) visits to her house I had dreamt of her last night. I dreamt that she and I were talking about the many things she had overcome in life which makes the fact that she actually called even more crazy. Maybe she had been thinking of me too. We will call her "k." "K" had a hard life. She was raped at 16 years old and was in and out of foster care as a child. She miscarried her first child which was a product of rape. She was always haunted by her past. Another thing that "K" endured was being a parent with a cognitive limitation. She also lived in poverty like many others in this world. One of the many great things about "K" is that her laugh is contagious and her smile is just as fun. She cared more about her daughter and her daughter's well being more than anything else in the world. The way "K" sees the world is a perspective all her own. During the year I spent serving this family I tried so hard to learn from her just as she learned from me. I miss her so much! I miss learning from "K." What "K" may never know is that she made my day today. It was a rotten day....until I heard her voice and she said, "Please visit me anytime you're in town!" "We miss you!" I literally wanted to reach through that phone and squeeze her! She changed my life probably more than I helped her with hers. Although I know "K" will never read this (because she cannot read well and because she doesn't have access to the internet/computer) you are very inspiring "K" and I will never forget the lessons you taught me.